Posts Tagged ‘John Farrell’

Now, usually I don’t do this. This isn’t a blog post about the R. Kelly song Ignition, but if that’s what helps you sleep at night (the way it helps me), I suggest you get the jams cranked and try to forget about the weekend that wasn’t.

The Blue Jays were swept by the Texas Rangers in something that resembled a massacre. I can’t confirm that Josh Hamilton is leatherface, but with two games that ended with Texas in the double digits, and a heartbreaking extra-innings loss in the middle, he’s not my favourite person in the major leagues. Like, just never going to think about running my hands through his fro.

Let’s all laugh it off as the Jays return home to face the first place Orioles by looking at the five best (and by best, I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS) message board comments about the weekend. Hot and fresh out the kitchen.

1. FIRE EVERYONE!!!!

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A far less charismatic version of George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air has joined the party and wants everyone to be fired. To make it better, he’ll send each coach to a different part of the country and then fly out to fire them to rack up frequent flyer miles.

2. KEEP IT REAL

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What I’m really seeing here is a hidden message, like when you do a word search and then there are leftover letters that spell a mystery word. It also could express the areas WHERE there REALLY WAS a point to be MADE over .500

Signed: EASY ON THE CAPS BRO! REALISTICALLY.

3. Making plans

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In consulting my planner, I can clearly see that the Jays planned to lose 87 games this year. I’m not kidding! I can see each and every single loss penciled into this invisible dayplanner that I share with the team. Sometimes we think about winning certain games. The Saturday game was supposed to be a win, but everyone forgot to tell Igarashi because he’s new, and then it was like “Sorry man, if you had looked at the planner, you’d know you were getting DFA-ed on Sunday and you probably shouldn’t have tried to be the hero and skyrocket your ERA.”

4. Getting in on it

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I mean, duh, yes. Cal Hamels is the hybrid player I created in my basement using the stats from Cole Hamels’s baseball-reference.com chart as well as 34 Cal Ripkin Jr. baseball cards and a LOT of masking tape and some hair extensions I got in Chinatown. I’ve sent countless emails to the Blue Jays front office, and they’ve already acknowledged their interest through a letter I received with the subject “MAILER-DAEMON Mail Delivery Subsystem”. It sounds very interesting.

5. The perhaps list

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Perhaps some losses can better be attributed to pulling starters out of games in the first two innings. Perhaps some deficits in a line up, bullpen, or rotation can be attributed to injury. Perhaps if the umpires weren’t holding grudges against the entirety of the Blue Jays like a dramatic ex-boyfriend, you win some. Perhaps other times things get real bad and you don’t. Perhaps the bleacher critics should grab another beer and sit back down instead of throwing their helmets in the wrong direction. Perhaps.

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Welcome back, baseball season. In between the too-frequent outbreaks of ‘the wave’ at all the wrong moments, the YOLO streaker, and the potatoes on the field, there were some shining stars, and some regrets in the first week of Blue Jays baseball at the Rogers Centre. It’s only appropriate to name (with a hashtag) the beauty of the series, followed by someone that needs to clean it up.

#Beauty

Colby Rasmus

It’s really ‘cool’ to like Colby right now, the same way it’s ‘cool’ to like any player who is on a hot streak. The problem with the entire scenario, is that Colby has always been awesome. As Toronto fans so eloquently proved during the Opening Series after the big Santos non-save, Toronto just ain’t so great at warm welcomes (y’all).

Centre field swag

Toronto surely thought they won the trade, until Colby arrived with a sad face and put up .173/.201/.316 for the rest of his first season in the AL East through 35 games. On the other hand, we can celebrate Octavio Dotel winning the entire World Series (and being in the right place at the right time might not be so out of reach again this year in Detroit).

Sure, the country boy has a few issues of his own – like Tony LaRussa, his dad, Tony LaRussa’s feelings about his dad, his dad’s feelings about Tony LaRussa, and just wanting to hunt in Alabama, but dude is going to save Toronto a lot of runs with his full-out swag dives and panther-like tracking in centre field.

You know, sometimes homesickness and St. Louis are a bad mix. This pup just needed a new stage to shine on. I think the Jays have got a best-in-show on their hands.

#Dirty

Brett Lawrie

Look guy: everyone knows you think your balls are huge, but trying to steal home with the bases loaded and Jose Bautista at the plate, maybe watch your back. Despite Bautista acting a little too Switzerland about the whole ordeal the next day (“He just slid the wrong way…”), I can’t help but think that all Jose really wanted to do was slap him in the face ¬†and say “YOU’RE NOT ON THE COVER OF MLB12 IN CANADA” (in Spanish).

And then, not to be outdone by himself, Lawrie tries to steal second later in the game with Arencibia at the plate on the final out of the inning. John Farrell called it a major baserunning mistake. I call it running like an asshole.

Reuters' pro photogs know how to capture the essence of stupidity.

When approached about Lawrie’s seemingly blase attitude about the errors of his ways, Farrell said he’d make sure the coaches got the message delivered again. Sounds like someone forgot to read the memo about the TPS reports.

This is a team game, cowboy. If anyone else had done that, the city would be calling for their public beheading, but the Lawrie jerseys are still alive and the bros who wear them are still drawing hearts around his name on their beer cans. YA BUDDY.