Posts Tagged ‘Blue Jays’

Now, usually I don’t do this. This isn’t a blog post about the R. Kelly song Ignition, but if that’s what helps you sleep at night (the way it helps me), I suggest you get the jams cranked and try to forget about the weekend that wasn’t.

The Blue Jays were swept by the Texas Rangers in something that resembled a massacre. I can’t confirm that Josh Hamilton is leatherface, but with two games that ended with Texas in the double digits, and a heartbreaking extra-innings loss in the middle, he’s not my favourite person in the major leagues. Like, just never going to think about running my hands through his fro.

Let’s all laugh it off as the Jays return home to face the first place Orioles by looking at the five best (and by best, I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS) message board comments about the weekend. Hot and fresh out the kitchen.

1. FIRE EVERYONE!!!!

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A far less charismatic version of George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air has joined the party and wants everyone to be fired. To make it better, he’ll send each coach to a different part of the country and then fly out to fire them to rack up frequent flyer miles.

2. KEEP IT REAL

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What I’m really seeing here is a hidden message, like when you do a word search and then there are leftover letters that spell a mystery word. It also could express the areas WHERE there REALLY WAS a point to be MADE over .500

Signed: EASY ON THE CAPS BRO! REALISTICALLY.

3. Making plans

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In consulting my planner, I can clearly see that the Jays planned to lose 87 games this year. I’m not kidding! I can see each and every single loss penciled into this invisible dayplanner that I share with the team. Sometimes we think about winning certain games. The Saturday game was supposed to be a win, but everyone forgot to tell Igarashi because he’s new, and then it was like “Sorry man, if you had looked at the planner, you’d know you were getting DFA-ed on Sunday and you probably shouldn’t have tried to be the hero and skyrocket your ERA.”

4. Getting in on it

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I mean, duh, yes. Cal Hamels is the hybrid player I created in my basement using the stats from Cole Hamels’s baseball-reference.com chart as well as 34 Cal Ripkin Jr. baseball cards and a LOT of masking tape and some hair extensions I got in Chinatown. I’ve sent countless emails to the Blue Jays front office, and they’ve already acknowledged their interest through a letter I received with the subject “MAILER-DAEMON Mail Delivery Subsystem”. It sounds very interesting.

5. The perhaps list

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Perhaps some losses can better be attributed to pulling starters out of games in the first two innings. Perhaps some deficits in a line up, bullpen, or rotation can be attributed to injury. Perhaps if the umpires weren’t holding grudges against the entirety of the Blue Jays like a dramatic ex-boyfriend, you win some. Perhaps other times things get real bad and you don’t. Perhaps the bleacher critics should grab another beer and sit back down instead of throwing their helmets in the wrong direction. Perhaps.

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The Blue Jays sent the Royals on an 11-game losing streak after winning their last of a four-game series in Kansas City on Monday night. Toronto also broke a bizarre streak of its own, wherein it opened the season losing two, winning two, losing two…and so on and so forth. Big brooms were needed – the club picked up its first sweep since a million* years ago and travels to Baltimore in an attempt to paint Camden Yards blue tonight (if you will…and I think you will).

Traveling to Misery did the team good.

*2003, vs the Yankees. BALLER.

#beauty

Luis Perez came out of the bullpen with an anchor this past week. He firmly attached the anchor to the score and said “THIS STAYS RIGHT HERE”. I’m not on the Perez bandwagon. Let me explain: the 27-year old lefty was one of the sure things from last season in an otherwise always up-in-the air bullpen. Not surprisingly, Perez returned in 2012 to the re-vamped house of bulls and quickly made it clear why he kept his job. So no, I’m not on the Perez bandwagon – I’m basically leading the parade and hitting non-believers in the back of the knees with my ornate baton.

What a dream. (Photo: Mark Duncan)

In the Jays first game in KC (a 4-3 win), Perez had four K’s in 1 2-3 innings of work. Last night, to close out the series, he picked up where a pretty-dang-good Brandon Morrow left off in the seventh with two outs, and pitched a scoreless 1 1-3 innings. Luis Perez has not allowed a run in 11 1-3 innings this season. I dare you to tell me that he’s not a #beauty.

 

#dirty

Okay, so maybe the strike zone isn’t a person, and the strike zone doesn’t play for a team, but the strike zone was striking the fuck out of the entire Tampa Bay series in Toronto. Balls were strikes, strikes were balls, the entire ‘zone’ was anywhere from the batter’s box to either of the dugouts and probably seven feet in front and behind the plate (just to be safe). Absolutely filthy.

Pitchers are always asked to “talk about” finding the zone, “talk about” getting it down. Bore me to tears. Hold the athletes accountable because they make a balls-load of money to talk about what they’re doing right and wrong, and for the most part because at this level, they should be doing most things right.

At least we all agree that the seventh pitch was a little out of the zone. Wed, Apr 18 on Game Day.

Still, I’m a firm believer that you need two things to do your job, pro-athlete or stock associate at Old Navy:

1. You need to know how to do your job.

Okay, so I think with the exception of Morrow-meltdown days, everyone’s on board with the whole throwing-strikes situation.

2. You need to know what’s expected of you.

If the strike zone isn’t visible by the person who is calling the strikes, what are the expectations? How do you know how to do your job when the strike zone is subject to change based on whether or not the ump had enough coffee, got enough sleep last night, is having an emotional breakdown, is going through a divorce, hates his job, hates his co-workers, hates Canada, broke his nail, has a hang nail, or skipped all of his eye exams for the last 12-18 years? Boys club needs to clean it up.

Welcome back, baseball season. In between the too-frequent outbreaks of ‘the wave’ at all the wrong moments, the YOLO streaker, and the potatoes on the field, there were some shining stars, and some regrets in the first week of Blue Jays baseball at the Rogers Centre. It’s only appropriate to name (with a hashtag) the beauty of the series, followed by someone that needs to clean it up.

#Beauty

Colby Rasmus

It’s really ‘cool’ to like Colby right now, the same way it’s ‘cool’ to like any player who is on a hot streak. The problem with the entire scenario, is that Colby has always been awesome. As Toronto fans so eloquently proved during the Opening Series after the big Santos non-save, Toronto just ain’t so great at warm welcomes (y’all).

Centre field swag

Toronto surely thought they won the trade, until Colby arrived with a sad face and put up .173/.201/.316 for the rest of his first season in the AL East through 35 games. On the other hand, we can celebrate Octavio Dotel winning the entire World Series (and being in the right place at the right time might not be so out of reach again this year in Detroit).

Sure, the country boy has a few issues of his own – like Tony LaRussa, his dad, Tony LaRussa’s feelings about his dad, his dad’s feelings about Tony LaRussa, and just wanting to hunt in Alabama, but dude is going to save Toronto a lot of runs with his full-out swag dives and panther-like tracking in centre field.

You know, sometimes homesickness and St. Louis are a bad mix. This pup just needed a new stage to shine on. I think the Jays have got a best-in-show on their hands.

#Dirty

Brett Lawrie

Look guy: everyone knows you think your balls are huge, but trying to steal home with the bases loaded and Jose Bautista at the plate, maybe watch your back. Despite Bautista acting a little too Switzerland about the whole ordeal the next day (“He just slid the wrong way…”), I can’t help but think that all Jose really wanted to do was slap him in the face  and say “YOU’RE NOT ON THE COVER OF MLB12 IN CANADA” (in Spanish).

And then, not to be outdone by himself, Lawrie tries to steal second later in the game with Arencibia at the plate on the final out of the inning. John Farrell called it a major baserunning mistake. I call it running like an asshole.

Reuters' pro photogs know how to capture the essence of stupidity.

When approached about Lawrie’s seemingly blase attitude about the errors of his ways, Farrell said he’d make sure the coaches got the message delivered again. Sounds like someone forgot to read the memo about the TPS reports.

This is a team game, cowboy. If anyone else had done that, the city would be calling for their public beheading, but the Lawrie jerseys are still alive and the bros who wear them are still drawing hearts around his name on their beer cans. YA BUDDY.