Now, usually I don’t do this. This isn’t a blog post about the R. Kelly song Ignition, but if that’s what helps you sleep at night (the way it helps me), I suggest you get the jams cranked and try to forget about the weekend that wasn’t.

The Blue Jays were swept by the Texas Rangers in something that resembled a massacre. I can’t confirm that Josh Hamilton is leatherface, but with two games that ended with Texas in the double digits, and a heartbreaking extra-innings loss in the middle, he’s not my favourite person in the major leagues. Like, just never going to think about running my hands through his fro.

Let’s all laugh it off as the Jays return home to face the first place Orioles by looking at the five best (and by best, I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS) message board comments about the weekend. Hot and fresh out the kitchen.

1. FIRE EVERYONE!!!!

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A far less charismatic version of George Clooney’s character in Up In The Air has joined the party and wants everyone to be fired. To make it better, he’ll send each coach to a different part of the country and then fly out to fire them to rack up frequent flyer miles.

2. KEEP IT REAL

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What I’m really seeing here is a hidden message, like when you do a word search and then there are leftover letters that spell a mystery word. It also could express the areas WHERE there REALLY WAS a point to be MADE over .500

Signed: EASY ON THE CAPS BRO! REALISTICALLY.

3. Making plans

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In consulting my planner, I can clearly see that the Jays planned to lose 87 games this year. I’m not kidding! I can see each and every single loss penciled into this invisible dayplanner that I share with the team. Sometimes we think about winning certain games. The Saturday game was supposed to be a win, but everyone forgot to tell Igarashi because he’s new, and then it was like “Sorry man, if you had looked at the planner, you’d know you were getting DFA-ed on Sunday and you probably shouldn’t have tried to be the hero and skyrocket your ERA.”

4. Getting in on it

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I mean, duh, yes. Cal Hamels is the hybrid player I created in my basement using the stats from Cole Hamels’s baseball-reference.com chart as well as 34 Cal Ripkin Jr. baseball cards and a LOT of masking tape and some hair extensions I got in Chinatown. I’ve sent countless emails to the Blue Jays front office, and they’ve already acknowledged their interest through a letter I received with the subject “MAILER-DAEMON Mail Delivery Subsystem”. It sounds very interesting.

5. The perhaps list

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Perhaps some losses can better be attributed to pulling starters out of games in the first two innings. Perhaps some deficits in a line up, bullpen, or rotation can be attributed to injury. Perhaps if the umpires weren’t holding grudges against the entirety of the Blue Jays like a dramatic ex-boyfriend, you win some. Perhaps other times things get real bad and you don’t. Perhaps the bleacher critics should grab another beer and sit back down instead of throwing their helmets in the wrong direction. Perhaps.

This and That: Baseball Observations

Posted: May 16, 2012 by centennialsports in Baseball

by Tom Ruminski

The time has come where I must plunge back into the blogosphere and continue my quest for online print domination. I have stood by for weeks in silence and allowed too much news to slip by without being critiqued. In particular, there are a couple of events that have caught my eye in the wonderful world of baseball. So without any further delay here is my hit list for this week.

Welcome back to Canada Vladdy

1. How the hell are the Toronto Blue Jays above .500?

Seriously!? This team has no business being even close to the mark, and yet somehow they currently stand four games over. Moreover, if the playoffs started today, Canada would see October baseball for the first time since 1993, and we all know what happened back then. Despite the epic struggles by Adam “I am still living in 2009 season” Lind, and Jose “I have forgotten how to hit a baseball” Bautista, as well as the massive struggles by the bullpen. The success of the Blue Jays this season can be attributed to their young rotation and their ability to hit with runners in scoring position. Currently, the likes of Ricky Romero, Brandon Morrow, Kyle Drabek, and Henderson Alvarez are a combined 13-9 with an ERA of 2.70 and 19 quality starts. In terms of clutch hitting, Toronto is hitting just above .300 when a runner is at second base or further. Taking all of this into consideration, this team could be scary when they put it all together. Oh and one more thing… welcome to Canada Vladdy!

2. Bryce Harper is the f*cking man!

The baseball world is ablaze as a result of the captivating play of Washington Nationals prospect Bryce Harper. Since his call up on April 28th, the 19-year-old Las Vegas native has hit .237 with, two homeruns, five RBI and an OPS of .710. Although the offensive numbers have been mediocre, the most impressive aspect of Harper’s game has been his play in left field. In a mere 16 games, the former first overall pick in the 2010 First Year Player Draft has already made several eye-popping plays in the field. So far, the dude has been a human highlight reel, just check the film.

If you need any more proof of this man’s super human abilities just check out his steal of home against Cole Hamels and the Philadelphia Phillies. Once again here is the tale of the tape to prove it.

With so much hype surrounding Harper, it would have not been a surprise if the rookie would have underperformed, after all, this kid was born in 1993. However, so far he has lived up to the billing as the best prospect to hit the Majors since Ken Griffey Jr. in 1989. Get accustomed to seeing this guy all over the leaderboards for the next two decades!

3. Josh Hamilton is not a human being

Dear Mr. Selig,

This is a letter of notification from the U.S. army. We are contacting you because we have discovered that you have some property that belongs to us. We would like it returned before things get any further out of control. One of our test-subject super soldiers escaped years ago and is now wreaking havoc in the MLB under the alias of Josh Hamilton. As you might already know, he is capable of outer-worldly acts. In fact, so far this season he is destroying everything in his path. Currently, he is hitting .400, with 18 homeruns, 44 RBI, and an OPS of 1.044. In fact, this week alone he hit. 479, with nine homeruns, 15 RBI and 15 runs scored. In light of this recent activity, it is in your best interest to co-operate with the armed forces are risk the possibility of losing all parity within categorical leaders. I repeat, this monster is more than capable of winning the Triple Crown.

Yours truly,
Uncle Sam

Fine…I guess I’ll get out of bed…

Posted: May 3, 2012 by skrizznasty in Uncategorized

By Mikey Scrizz

It’s a wonderful feeling knowing you can just wake up, avoid the bus and the long, depressing ride to school where I spend the majority of the day dreaming of which beer I’m going to enjoy while watching the NHL or NBA playoffs (avoid the new Coors Light Iced Tea despite its sensual acronym) or which celebrities I have a legitimate shot with (I know I have no shot with Beyonce, so I’ll settle for Jenna Fischer…call me Pam?).

With all of the extra time on my hands, I have been able to take in the latest from the world of sports and if I’ gonna take a page out of one of my journalistic idols, Peter King (the only MMQB, sorry Jesse Palmer) and let you all know ten things that only I may think:

1. Yu Darvish- Yeah he’s pretty good…

I bet you were expecting another play on words.

Shame on Yu.

Shame on Yu for showing Blue Jays fans what they are missing out on. Darvish is the first rookie since Kazuhisa Ishii 10 years ago to start his MLB career 4-0. Darvish pitched seven strong innings, striking out nine while only allowing one run Monday night at the Rogers Centre.

Seriously, that breaking ball is filthy.

I don’t want to harp on the Jays’ rotation because they have been surprisingly good to start the year but I can only imagine what may have been if Yu was apart of it. Maybe Coco and Santos would have had some nights off…

2. Goodell drops the hammer once again on the Saints and I’m not surprised at all.


Jonathan Vilma has been suspended for the entire 2012 season for his involvement in the bounty scandal that shook the sports world this past March. He isn’t the only suspended player though- defensive end Will Smith and former Saints Scott Fujita and Anthony Hargrove were also suspended for their roles in the controversy. Hargrove will serve an eight-game suspension as a member of the Green Bay Packers and Fujita will miss the first three games of the Cleveland Browns’ season.

Although I agree you can’t suspend EVERY player involved with the scandal, Roger Goodell had to suspend these four men who he believed were the ringleaders amongst the players involved. Vilma supposedly offered 10 grand out of his own pocket to any teammate that injured an opponent.

Vilma will be losing approximately $4.5 million this year because of the suspension. I wonder if the former Miami U linebacker will ask for that 10-grand back?

3.The NBA title is right there for the Heat. No excuses.

No Dwight Howard, no Derrick Rose means there is NO reason for the Heat not being able to steam roll through the depleted Eastern conference. The Bulls were possibly the only team to stop Miami because of their strong defence, rebounding and efficiency on offence. Without Derrick Rose, the Bulls are very limited on the offensive side of the ball. Luol Deng is a good player but he can’t go head to head with LeBron 1-on-1. Joel Anthony, Chris Bosh and Udonis Haslem will play good enough defense to neutralize the Bulls frontcourt duo of Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah.

The NBA is a superstar league. Since 1984, only 8 franchises have hoisted the Larry O’Brien trophy. Notable names from these teams are Jordan, Pippen, Kobe, Nowitzki, Duncan, Shaq, Olajuwon, Magic…you get the point. Sorry Chicago, no D-Rose= no title.

I expect teams in the Western Conference to kill each other. You can make arguments that the Thunder, Spurs or Lakers can all win the west this year. Both the Spurs and Lakers are veteran teams looking to get past the first round without any injuries. The Thunder are facing the reigning champions in round one. The Lakers and Thunder SHOULD meet in round two and is expected to be a greuling battle.

After all the chaos, one of these teams are going to have to face a fresh Miami squad whose biggest competition may be the Indiana Pacers…maybe the Celtics? You get my point…

4. What the heck is going on in the NHL?

Both eight-seeds advanced to the second round, the Coyotes look like the 2000 New Jersey Devils, and Alex Ovechkin is only playing 13 minutes during Washington playoff victories?

I’ve heard the conspiracy reports surrounding this year’s NHL playoffs and it doesn’t seem so far-fetched. You could argue that seven of the eight playoff matchups in the first round were won by underdogs. Heck, even the Senators should have won game seven at Madison Square Garden…I apologize to my colleague John Spurr for bringing that up again..

Now the Coyotes and Kings are up 2-0 while the visiting Caps and Devils won their respective game twos in what seems like a gambler’s dream of a playoff bracket. I know everyone wants to see Philly and LA battle it out for Lord Stanley because of the Mike Richards/Jeff Carter backstory, but from what I’ve seen I think people should gear up for a Coyotes/Devils final as Gary Bettman wakes up in a cold sweat for the rest of the spring season…

5. Was this the greatest Manchester Derby ever?

on the undercard of the Manchester Derby…..Fergie vs Mancini

Manchester City fans have seen their share of disappointments. Watching the Manchester Derby Monday afternoon and hearing the fans of the sky blue chew off their fingernails, expecting another late goal which United is prone to do in important games…this game between the top two teams in England was one of the greatest regular season games I have ever watched. The first half may have been a bore but the pace and drama picked up once Vincent Kompany headed the ball home to give City an extra step towards the league title.

The chase for the title is not over though. City must go on the road to face Newcastle for their next game. This is dangerous for City because all four of their losses this year have happened away from home while Newcastle is fighting for a top-four seed in the Premier League and a spot in next year’s Champions League tournament. The Red Devils face two opponents in Swansea City and Sunderland where they are likely to gain six points so all the pressure is now on City to close out the season with two victories.

Please MCFC, don’t do this to your fans. Plus, I wanna see what kind of ‘bling Balotelli showcases if City hoists the Premier League trophy.

6. Kudos, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

After a strong draft last weekend, including Mark Barron, the top safety and possibly best defensive player available, and RB Doug Martin, who is being compared to Ravens running back Ray Rice, the Bucs signed former Rutgers defensive tackle Eric LeGrand. LeGrand, who was paralyzed after suffering a spinal cord injury on the field, was signed by Bucs coach Greg Schiano who coached LeGrand as the Scarlet Knights head coach. It’s a symbolic gesture so LeGrand won’t be receiving any salary but this doesn’t matter. Schiano recognized that this would have been LeGrand’s draft year.

“This small gesture is the least we could do to recognize his character, spirit and perseverance. The way Eric lives his life epitomizes what we are looking for in Buccaneer Men.”

Even if Barron and Martin don’t work out, the Bucs receive an ‘A’ for this post-draft move.

7. Glen Davis shows exactly what the playoffs are about.

If you think players take the regular season as seriously as they do the playoffs. You’re wrong. I don’t think Big Babay Davis had an interview as hilariously intense as the one he had in game two versus the Pacers.

Look at his face when the interviewer is asking him the second question. I love the playoffs.

But if you hate watching intense interviews, watch how Chris Bosh interview-bombs LeBron..

Reminds me of the Russell Peters skit where he talks about the “Indian accent” cutting tension in a court room. Hilarious.

  Forward to about 1:50…

8. Albert Pujols is human after all…

I don’t care what anyone else says, American League pitching is not THAT much better than National League pitching. Although I expect Pujols to hit a homerun in the first week of May, he is only hitting above the “Mendoza line” and slugging less than .300. Pujols had a slow start in 2011 and I expect him to put up Albert-esque numbers eventually but for a player who is considered “different” than other great hitters of his generation because of his quiet demeanor and lack of steroid allegations, Pujols hasn’t altered the notion that players sometimes “check-in” after receiving a huge contract. See: Barry Zito and Jayson Werth as two examples.

Pujols and the Angels are eight games back of the Rangers and St. Louis is 3.5 games ahead of everyone in the NL Central. It may be time for Albert to stop enjoying California life for a moment, so people like me can stop “speculating” on why he is struggling.

9. The Jack Adams Trophy debate starts…

For Coyote bench boss Dave Tippett, Penguins coach Dan Bylsma and the Panthers’ Kevin Dineen to not receive nominations for NHL coach of the year just shows you how great the three candidates are.

Ken Hitchcock took an under-achieving Blues squad who started the year 6-7 and finished the season with 109 points.

John Tortorella’s Rangers finished first in the East with a team that led the league in hits and was in the top four in the league in blocked shots and goals allowed.

Paul Maclean’s Senators were expected to give Edmonton and Columbus a run for the top two picks in the NHL Draft. Instead, Ottawa earned a playoff berth and jumped from 26th to 4th place in the NHL in scoring.

Anyone of these men deserve the award but for his ability to motivate Jason Spezza and Erik Karlsson I think Maclean will win the Jack.

10. Move over for now, October and February…

Seriously, has any true sports fan been bored since March Madness? October gets recognition as the “best time for a sports fan” because of 1, MLB playoffs. 2, the middle of the NFL season, 3 the start of the NBA/NHL seasons. February gets its daps as well because of the NFL playoffs, NBA and NHL seasons are well underway and March Madness is right around the corner…

However, I believe from the Final Four, to the Masters, to the beginning of playoff basketball and hockey occupying television screens from April to June could be the best stretch of sport-gasms for true sports aficionados.

Accompany that with the start of ball-hockey season and open patios, life is good. The only thing I can ask for to make it better is a reliable Jays bullpen.

The Blue Jays sent the Royals on an 11-game losing streak after winning their last of a four-game series in Kansas City on Monday night. Toronto also broke a bizarre streak of its own, wherein it opened the season losing two, winning two, losing two…and so on and so forth. Big brooms were needed – the club picked up its first sweep since a million* years ago and travels to Baltimore in an attempt to paint Camden Yards blue tonight (if you will…and I think you will).

Traveling to Misery did the team good.

*2003, vs the Yankees. BALLER.

#beauty

Luis Perez came out of the bullpen with an anchor this past week. He firmly attached the anchor to the score and said “THIS STAYS RIGHT HERE”. I’m not on the Perez bandwagon. Let me explain: the 27-year old lefty was one of the sure things from last season in an otherwise always up-in-the air bullpen. Not surprisingly, Perez returned in 2012 to the re-vamped house of bulls and quickly made it clear why he kept his job. So no, I’m not on the Perez bandwagon – I’m basically leading the parade and hitting non-believers in the back of the knees with my ornate baton.

What a dream. (Photo: Mark Duncan)

In the Jays first game in KC (a 4-3 win), Perez had four K’s in 1 2-3 innings of work. Last night, to close out the series, he picked up where a pretty-dang-good Brandon Morrow left off in the seventh with two outs, and pitched a scoreless 1 1-3 innings. Luis Perez has not allowed a run in 11 1-3 innings this season. I dare you to tell me that he’s not a #beauty.

 

#dirty

Okay, so maybe the strike zone isn’t a person, and the strike zone doesn’t play for a team, but the strike zone was striking the fuck out of the entire Tampa Bay series in Toronto. Balls were strikes, strikes were balls, the entire ‘zone’ was anywhere from the batter’s box to either of the dugouts and probably seven feet in front and behind the plate (just to be safe). Absolutely filthy.

Pitchers are always asked to “talk about” finding the zone, “talk about” getting it down. Bore me to tears. Hold the athletes accountable because they make a balls-load of money to talk about what they’re doing right and wrong, and for the most part because at this level, they should be doing most things right.

At least we all agree that the seventh pitch was a little out of the zone. Wed, Apr 18 on Game Day.

Still, I’m a firm believer that you need two things to do your job, pro-athlete or stock associate at Old Navy:

1. You need to know how to do your job.

Okay, so I think with the exception of Morrow-meltdown days, everyone’s on board with the whole throwing-strikes situation.

2. You need to know what’s expected of you.

If the strike zone isn’t visible by the person who is calling the strikes, what are the expectations? How do you know how to do your job when the strike zone is subject to change based on whether or not the ump had enough coffee, got enough sleep last night, is having an emotional breakdown, is going through a divorce, hates his job, hates his co-workers, hates Canada, broke his nail, has a hang nail, or skipped all of his eye exams for the last 12-18 years? Boys club needs to clean it up.

Airing of Grievances III

Posted: April 23, 2012 by centennialsports in Puck

By John Spurr

Playoff hockey at its finest


I don’t know if it’s just the NHL playoffs that has me especially fired up but I’m really getting pissed off by this hockey is too violent claim.

The first few games of these playoffs have been awesome, offering an amazing level skill, speed and hits!!! Unfortunately, it seems that all the major sports outlets have officially decided that the intensity of this playoffs is just too darn much. This is complete bullshit, playoffs have always been violent, as the level of competition is amplified. I keep hearing that “players are hitting to injure because the players don’t respect each other,” this is garbage.

I’m gonna tell you the three reasons why these hits are hurting people so much more than in the past, none of which are the reasons that you ever hear from the major networks.

1) Hard metal shoulder and elbow pads: It used to be that players had tiny plastic pads but someone decided that it would be safer to make these pads out of Kevlar… safer for who? Players didn’t often take full speed runs at each other with the dinky little plastic pads because they could actually hurt themselves but with the Kevlar pads they are fully armored and can simply throw themselves around. When a player used to lay a big hit and make some contact to the head the player would get back up, at least most of the time. Now with the metallic armor, a big hit leaves the victim cloudy and stumbly.

2) Taking out the redline: When the NHL took out the redline and allowed the two line pass it accelerated the speed of the game, which is fantastic!! It allows for more open ice and room for brilliant plays. Unfortunately, it also accelerated the speed of the f*cking game!!!! Players regularly skate from one end all the way to the other end unimpeded before laying a hit, which means that they have nearly 200 feet of speed built up. Back when the redline was in play, players would have to slow down at the centre before building up their speed again. Hits today have much more momentum built up between both players and therefore a much more violent collision.

3) Training: I don’t know if you’ve noticed but hockey players today are quite simply bigger, stronger and faster. The average size of an NHL player is 6’2 and 210 pounds, as a comparison, Scott Stevens was 6’1 and 212 pounds. Stevens was considered a big defender back in the mid 90’s. The size of the players has changed because of the training programs that the modern athlete lives by. Players used to show up to training camp out of shape and play themselves into shape, all the while never lifting a single weight. The skating has improved immensely too, not necessarily the top players because nobody can skate like Mike Gartner or Pavel Bure but even fourth line forwards are really good skaters these days. Some of this is due to improved skate technology, I mean they used to skate on glorified butter knives but much of it is better technique and again stronger players.

So there are the three major reasons for the severity of today’s hits but I’d also like to address this respect myth that has somehow remained part of the violence rhetoric. Apparently players no longer respect each other on the ice, my question is when did they ever? Have you ever seen the footage of old hockey? It was stick swinging, elbowing, kneeing, just completely over the top violence. Realistically players probably like each other more today because the average player changes teams so much throughout their career that there’s a good chance that they’ve played with a few guys on the other team.

Say what you want about his suits, Donny makes some good points.


I’m curious how somebody thinks that David Shaw respected Mario Lemieux when he slashed him in the throat in 1988 and was consequently suspended for 12 games. This respect idea is especially ridiculous because in the playoffs players will do almost anything to win. The only thing that players used to respect was the fact that if they did something that was considered crossing the line, then they’d have to face music and get their ass beat by an enforcer. I’m gonna sound like good ole Don Cherry but because of the instigator rule, that fear (or respect) is gone and instead they only get a little fine or suspension. Speaking of fines, when Shea Weber went all King Kong Bundy on Henrik Zetterberg and slammed his head into the boards, he was fined $2,500. This is the same as fining the average Canadian $14, not even a parking ticket, what a great deterrent there Sandyham.

Useless claim of the week – I have heard it mentioned that for proof of how violent these playoffs have been, people should look at the 8 suspensions in this NHL playoffs. This is the most of any playoffs and it’s only the first round. While that does sound convincing, let’s not forget that headshots didn’t used to lead to suspensions, they were simply two minute penalties for elbowing, charging or roughing. If there were suspensions for head shots back in the day, then Scott Stevens would’ve spent every game up in the owner’s box. So by my count, in these playoffs, there would be one old time suspension, to Byron Bitz for his ridiculously bad hit from behind.

Bonus Anger: I’ve been hearing rumours that if the Canucks lose to the Kings (let’s hold hands and pray this doesn’t happen), then Alain Vigneault will be fired. That really shouldn’t happen, I mean he was only missing the Danny Sedin, one part of the telekinetic Sedin duo, for the first three games. The Canucks minus a Sedin is a much weaker team, I mean Henrik inherited Max freakin Lapierre onto the first line in Daniel’s absence. Vigneault is an excellent coach, with the exact demeanor for the talented Canucks squad.

If Vigneault were to be fired, he wouldn’t even have a chance to pack up his office before he’d get offered the head-coaching job for the Montreal Canadiens.

If the Canucks organization decided there had to be a sacrificial lamb then I would be much more supportive of showing the swollen-faced Mike Gillis the door. Absolutely none of the core pieces of the Canucks team were acquired by Gillis but that doesn’t mean he’s been shy when it comes to trading. Everyone is now beginning to see what a retarded trade it was when Gillis traded Cody Hodgson to the Buffalo Sabres for Zach Kassian (killing it on the 4th line) and Marc Andre Gragnani (a healthy scratch throughout the playoffs) in the name of getting tougher. When you make the seventh game of the Stanley Cup finals you are plenty tough. The forgotten Gillis brilliance was the trade for Keith Ballard last offseason and in return the Canucks only sent Michael Grabner, Steve Bernier and first round draft pick to Florida. Gillis’ final gaff was signing Bobby Lou to a 12-year contract, with a no trade clause. I’m one of the biggest Luongo supporters that I know of but he’s not gonna be great for 10 more years, that contract will make moving him very difficult. Trust in Gillis, pfft I’d rather trust Kenny Powers.

Monday Morning Wood April 16th

Posted: April 16, 2012 by centennialsports in Morning Wood

By Dane Belbeck

This was my nurse Edith


I had surgery this past week on my lower back/top of my ass that left a wound needing to be packed with gauze every other day for a week. On a list of things I never hope to experience again, this particular injury finds itself between wearing Joseph’s technicolour dream coat into a biker bar and the stomach pain associated with drinking a 24 of coke in 4 hours. (I had an interesting childhood…don’t ask) A few things I learned with this injury are: Do not drink McDonalds milkshakes when you cannot sit down to use the toilet, spraying cologne twice daily for a week is not an acceptable substitute for a shower, do not trust Jamaican nurses named Edith (aka the Executioner), no matter how much pain you are in, the guy next to you is probably in worse shape (in this case Mr “I take 20 percocets a day and wonder why I developed an addiction” next to me) and when choosing a girlfriend, make sure they aren’t against shaving certain areas of your body for bandaging reasons (Shout out to the russian rocket). Anyway if you are going to sustain an injury that will make you bed or couch-ridden for a period of time, right now is just about perfect, so here’s what caught my eye this weekend…

1. Playoff Hockey

Oh to be a Penguins fan right now. Fleury is letting in softies, Crosby is fighting Giroux, 18-year-old’s are dominating them. This is probably next to happen. Everything is out of whack in the NHL playoffs right now. The Kings are up 3-0 on Vancouver, the Flyers are up 3-0 on Pittsburgh and both can close out the series at home. The Penguins have lost their minds and are showing as much control as a wealthy businessman in a strip club on an out of town trip. Every series seems to have a few things in common…excessive fighting and overtime. This is commonly referred to as awesomeness. I mean if you are the NHL and someone is creating Jim Ross WWE voice-over videos, you have to be happy right?

2. Hooters Tour

This guy weighs 215 apparently.....and Hayden Panettiere called me last night for a date

Tuned into CBS for the PGA tourney at Harbour Town and I got the Hooters Tour. No I don’t mean pro golfers who should probably give it up because they are barely staying afloat on a 4th tier tour, I mean actual hooters, like breasts, man boobs, fat men. Turns out it was the Harbour Town tourney which should probably change it’s name to the Heavyweight Invitational because here’s four of the names in the top 6 and their PGA.com listed weight…
Carl Pettersson (195lbs), Colt Knost (215lbs), Kevin Stadler (250lbs), and Boo Weekley(210lbs). Apparently the PGA tour only measures their players with one leg on the weight scale because Carl Pettersson weighing 195 pounds and Colt Knost weighing

Now that's an athlete if I have ever seen one

215 pounds makes as much sense as these song lyrics. I’m the leader of the charge when it comes to arguing that golfers are athletes, but this weekend’s tournament isn’t exactly strengthening my argument. Perhaps Andy Roddick said it best

3. Blue Jays

So much optimism following the first two series of the season for the Jays. The usual bottom-feeder Orioles in town, and the Jays should be clear-cut first place. And then Brett Lawrie decides to try and steal home with the bases loaded and Jose Bautista up. John Farrell decides to let 81-year-old pitcher Darren Oliver face two right handers in the 8th inning of a one run game. If anything he should have let this happen on Sunday during Jackie Robinson Day since Oliver is the last active major leaguer to have played with Robinson. Next thing you know the crowd at the Rogers Center is doing the wave in the 8th inning of a tie game and the Jays lose two of three from the O’s. Note to people attending baseball games, the wave is a sorry excuse for people at the game who do not like, or understand, baseball. If you must indulge in such stupid behaviour please do so in the first three innings when the crowd needs to manufacture excitement. If you have to manufacture excitement in the 8th inning of a tie game by doing the wave, just stay home and watch Wayne’s World instead, it’s the same thing…

4. Kings-Canucks anthem singers

I’ve had Blue Jays, Raptors and TFC season tickets over the past three years. I’ve attended atleast 75 live sporting events in this time. Not once have I made it in time for the national anthem. I’ve always been okay with having another round quick at the bar and then heading into the game during the first inning. So Sunday night I’m watching the LA Kings-Vancouver Canucks game three from Staples Center, and this little hottie trots out to perform the Canadian national anthem.

(yes I know shes singing the American anthem in this video but I couldn’t find last night’s). And just when I think Rachel Stark is going to be my favourite part of the weekend, Pia Toscano starts belting out the Star Spangled Banner. For those who don’t know Pia, well your welcome….

For some reason most teams seem to think we want to hear old men sing us the Anthems, such as Rene Rancourt in Boston or Mark Donnelly in Vancouver. Um no, we want Rachel and Pia and we want them over and over again.

Airing of Grievences Round II

Posted: April 16, 2012 by centennialsports in Uncategorized

By John Spurr

Betting on Kentucky is like betting that this marriage would fail

There are a few things/people that have really been bugging me this week and here they are.

 

People who are really proud of picking Kentucky to win the NCAA Basketball Tournament  –  Congratulations, you chose the team that was the consensus tournament number one and who had 5 to 2 odds to win.  They only started five guaranteed first round draft picks and were lead by one of the best coaches in college basketball.  Their top two players (Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist) are almost locks to get drafted first and second overall in the 2012 NBA Draft.  They won in dominating fashion and you called it, nicely done.  Just don’t go bragging about it, everyone knew they’d win as long as they didn’t fall apart like a 14 year old dude asking a girl out.    Way to go out on a limb for your pick, I would also like to wish you luck with your Packers, Angels, Heat and Penguins picks too.  Are you gonna pick the US to win Men’s basketball at the Olympics too?

 

The Louisiana State Senate  –  On April 4th the Louisiana State senate passed a resolution urging the NFL to reconsider its one year suspension of Saints head coach Sean Payton.  Are you serious?  How pathetic is this state? I understand that football is very important to this state and that it gave the people of New Orleans a moral boost while they rebuilt their city after Hurricane Katrina blah blah blah.  The state senate really shouldn’t have the time to consider the Saints suspension issues a problem that requires addressing.  Maybe instead they should focus on actual policies to improve the state, considering the average income in Louisiana is 31k ranking 41st in the country, or that for 23 years straight the state has the highest murder rate in the country (seriously that’s f*cking awful).  Just to make things even worse (or better depending on how much you appreciate idiocy), the next day a recording from inside the Saints locker room prior to their NFC Wildcard game against the 49ers was released.  It was unlike anything I’ve heard, as Gregg Williams very coldly talked about targeting specific injuries on 49ers players.  It was a terrible pregame speech and I urge Al Pacino or Ray Lewis to slap Williams in the face and show him how to motivate.  So now the State Senate gets to backtrack and pretend like they were just kidding, because it is becoming painfully obvious that the penalties being administered to the Saints are very warranted.

 

Dwight Howard – It is a serious treat to watch him play basketball, if he is trying, he displays the athleticism to be the best big man since Shaq and to be honest his skill set could allow him to be better if he really applied himself.  The guy is just such a douche though, I used to think that big grin he had on all the time was a representation of how much fun he has playing ball.  Now I take it as, “I’m better than all the people in this building and should be able to do whatever I want.”  The interview with his head coach, Stan Van Gundy, was rude, arrogant and incredibly two-faced.  It was being reported that Howard had approached the Magic ownership and basically said that he wanted Stan Van gone.  In the interview Van Gundy is asked about the rumor and he confirmed that he had heard it too.  In comes “the big sleazy” basically daring his head coach to say something in front of him.  It was probably the most awkward scrum interview I’ve ever seen and I really feel bad for the shrill voiced Van Gundy.  Howard knows he holds the power in Orlando and he is ruthlessly cocky about, this shit really grinds my gears.

 

Mike Milbury – I don’t know who decided that Mike Milbury should be a hockey analyst but somehow he’s bullied his way into a fairly prominent position.  He gets to weigh in on violent hits and declare what’s dirty or not.  That’s like asking a priest to run a daycare, it just doesn’t seem right.  I mean all Milbury did in his day career was run around getting penalties and then beat a New York Rangers fan with his own shoe in the stands.

This meathead also singlehandedly set back the New York Islanders franchise probably a decade by trading away players like Zdeno Chara, Roberto Luongo and Jason Spezza, for the likes of Alexei Yashin.  Also, who loves Rick Dipietro’s crazy 15 year contract, well let’s all thank Mike Milbury for that fantastic trendsetting contract.  Mike’s latest moment of brilliance came when Milbury was charged for verbally and physically assaulting a 12 year old boy during his son’s peewee hockey game.  So when Mike Milbury comes out and calls Sidney Crosby a punk who is secretly one of the dirtiest players in the league, I just have to laugh and call baloney (thanks Ms Corningstone).  Sidney Crosby is far too busy being the most dynamic offensive player on the planet to worry about slowing down and being overly dirty but it is hockey so I’m sure he gets a little bit of stick work in.  Amazingly, Milbury has still managed to maintain his hockey analyst job and there were even rumblings that he might replace Don Cherry on Hockey Night In Canada.  Seriously people next time you’re enjoying a little rant from Grapes, think to yourself, holy fuck I’m glad I’m not listening to Mike Milbury.