The Airing of Grievances

Posted: March 23, 2012 by centennialsports in Uncategorized

By John Spurr

Well, just like Frank Costanza…..I’VE GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT THEM!!!!!!!!!

1)Mike Wallace and the Pittsburgh Steelers – Wallace is a 25 year old wide receiver who just made his first Pro Bowl and is the league’s premier deep threat. He is property of the Pittsburgh Steelers but they are in salary cap

Someone is going to pay me a salary Thissssss Big

purgatory and have had to cut such Steelers mainstays as James Farrior and Aaron Smith. They have a reported $5.8 million worth of cap space for Wallace, who is a restricted free agent. Therefore, any team in the whole NFL can simply outbid the Steelers and have a young Pro Bowl receiver that can make a stagnant, one-dimensional offense scary with one simple move. It would cost any team that made this move their first round draft pick but if you’re a team with a late first it is almost a guarantee that Mike Wallace will be better. Yes I said it better than anybody you will draft from picks 20 to 32. Teams that make a ton of sense to me are listed in a very particular order.

Denver Broncos, give Peyton the best deep threat he’s ever had and now you’re approaching a half decent team. Oh and you have over $20 million in cap space, I am confounded as to why this has not happened.

Baltimore Ravens, for the Flacco haters out there, allow me to inform you that Joe Flacco actually throws one of the best deep balls in the league. Give him the best weapon he’s ever had, and steal from your division rival who happens to be your teams’ kryptonite. It would be the most satisfying thieving since Neon Deion went to San Francisco from Dallas.

Chicago Bears, you have the cap space, since you were courting Mario Williams, so why not give Jay Cutler another weapon to go along with Brandon Marshall and Matt Forte. I mean you almost ran him out of town by calling him a pussy and have deprived him of a real receiver for his entire time in Chicago. Why not remedy this and create a potent offense capable of going head to head with the powerhouse Packers (that sounds funny) and the dangerous Detroit Lions (just seems weird). Seriously, the Steelers have left themselves vulnerable, why isn’t somebody jumping on this opportunity.

2) Roger Goodell and his team of ballerina lawyers – So the league will be instituting more rules to protect the quarterback next season. What?? How?? Tom Brady gets roughing the passer calls when people graze his shoulder. I swear that in the near future, pass rushing will consist of a guy standing at the line of scrimmage scowling at the quarterback or the line doing something like this..

3) Three and a half Day March Madness Break – Except for this weird winter, mid March is usually colder than Stephen Harper’s smile, so we need something to preoccupy ourselves between meals. Can we please get that break shortened, its not like they need the time to recover. Do you remember being twenty? You could do anything… play rugby, get drunk, or try and do a back flip, two days later you were fine, no matter what. Come On!!!!

4) FC Barcelona – They are ruining soccer. We get it you’re amazing, you’ve compiled more than twice as many elite players onto one team than any other team in the world. You’re untouchable, no wait that’s the ball while you guys play keep-away from the other team. Eventually people are going to get bored and things like this will happen…
http://www.comicbeat.com/misc/flash/flvplayer.swf
Could you imagine if the 1992 US Men’s Basketball team, or the Dream Team for those of you who live in caves, played against other teams on a regular basis? It would be awful, there’s nothing exciting about seeing a constant mismatch of talent. The great thing about the Dream Team is that it happened once, for four weeks and now we can remember them fondly. Parody is a beautiful thing, ask the NFL and their immense shared revenue streams. Could you imagine how great soccer in Spain would be if there were 10 good teams.

5) The New York Jets – Could there be a more loathsome team that also happens to be an NFL media darling? They’re faction of disappointing super-egos consist of Rex Ryan, the only person to have his stomach stapled and still be a 300 plus pounder, here’s a piece of advice Rex…put down the fork. If the saying goes that a man is only as good as his word, then this is an awful man, who is constantly promising things and then not delivering. At cornerback for the Jets, absentee father to nine children with eight different woman and probably the only athlete with a worse grasp of media relations than LeBron James… Antonio Croooomartie. On Tuesday, the colourful moron tweeted that “we don’t need Tebow.” Jets management, realizing listening to Cromartie would be like listening to Charles Barkley’s advice on fixing your golf swing, decided to trade for Tebow the next day. Which brings me to my last grievance, could there be a less talented duo of qb’s that will receive so much coverage. The answer of course is no, Tebow and Sanchez will receive a nauseating amount of media attention, which should sicken you considering their career pass completion percentages are both less than 76 percent. But girls like them so I guess you should too.

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Comments
  1. Elvis Grbac says:

    Great site, excellent content…..just curious as to your Flacco claim of having one of throwing one of the best deep balls in the league. I am by no means a Flacco hater, and although he does have a strong arm he doesn’t throw a good deep ball. I think if you asked Torrey Smith if Flacco has a good deep ball he’d respond by saying ” did you not see him miss me on 40 + yard throws 4 times every single game)
    Hey, John, I’m just splittin hairs here…..good article, good shit, good site
    It’s to my understanding theres a big Tebow homer on staff…….don’t let that guy go near the football related stuff

  2. liquoredupandoffside says:

    Warning! John Spurr is a huge sports nerd, and for that…I salute you! Nice site gang, will pass it along to worthy sport enthusiats. Spurr, enjoyed your take on all topics–knowledgable opinions (obviously); well writen; and concise = reader-friendly. Well played. You’d be a good candidate to replace that annoying old guy on PTI. Only criticsm is: where’s the hockey talk? Yup i said it and can’t wait for the wrath! Lookin forward to future articles. dM

  3. spurzo says:

    Well Elvis I know that you’re just looking out for your fellow Ravens qb. I think if you asked Torrey Smith about Flacco’s deep ball he’d remind you to check the second Ravens v Steelers game this year. In that game with 30 seconds to go, Flacco dropped a perfect 40 yard bomb into Torrey Smith’s hands who had a step on the db and Smith let it slip through his hands. Three plays later, Flacco threw another perfect bomb to Smith this time on the other side of the field, touchdown, win, sweep, Flacco and Ravens. Thanks for the kind words man 🙂

    PS – With the Gators out of the Madness I’m sure that they’ll be a few attempts at some Tebow material, we’ll try to kibosh that shit

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